Irrational Ideas
by
David C. Mathis, Ed.D.
I personally enjoy a bag of peanuts. Some nutritionists tell us that they should be avoided. Others say that they are low in sugar and thus are a good source of protein. At this point I am falling on the side of protein because that is what my taste buds decided. Many of us carry certain ideas and beliefs which are likewise formed without a great deal of study or consideration. We just seem to believe what we believe. We can have certain ideas (beliefs, opinions, assumptions) which are nutty. The ideas are unhealthy for us because they influence our behavior and emotions. For example, if I have the belief that I will never become ill, when I do develop some type of illness then I could be emotionally depressed because I believed that it would never happen to me. What an idea that would be! However, our irrational ideas are usually not so obvious. In fact, there are different opinions as to which ideas are healthy and which are unhealthy. Here is my venture into the debate about which ideas are unhealthy. At least, here are some ideas which will eventually cause us some problems because they don’t work and create unhealthy results.
1. I should be comfortable and without pain at all times. What a nutty idea! If that is true then we would never accomplish anything. Hard work, discomfort, and, yes, even pain is usually part of what is necessary accomplish something worthwhile. You might think that this is so obvious that no one would ever think of living by such a flawed belief. Yet, too many people seem to shy away from what is necessary to excel. They look for the easy way in such activities as school, work, marriage, parenting, sports, and health. No pain, no gain!
2. Life should be fair. We have all heard this before and have likely lectured our children on how life is not fair. Yet, many people continue to get all upset and angry when things do not work out in the way they consider to be “fair.” If we are unhappy with the way something is handled by another, we can assert our differences of opinion. We can also strive to treat others fairly. But, it is unrealistic to think that life SHOULD be fair.
3. I must be loved and approved of by those whom I love or else I cannot be happy. This can really be a dead end. If I am dependent on others for my own happiness and sense of self, then I cannot control how I feel about myself. I will desperately cling to their approval and thus fail to develop my own ability to make decisions and exercise my judgment. I will be afraid to act for fear that I will lose their love. A healthier view is to realize that I cannot control whether or not they love me. I can choose to act as a responsible person with integrity but that may or may not be what they would like.
4. I need to be anxious and worry about things in the future. Many people can become gripped by fear of things that may not even occur. For example, “I don’t want to go for that interview because what if I don’t get it?” “They might think I’m crazy for trying out.” Why should we fear something that may not occur? If there is the possibility of facing something uncomfortable then we can consider how we would hope to respond but realize that we cannot control everything. If something goes wrong, or doesn’t work out the way we hoped, or we just fall on our face, it is not terrible or awful, it is part of life and learning.
5. I must make the right decision. What people are really saying is that they must be perfect. Such individuals fear making mistakes because it wounds their self-esteem to face their imperfections. While it is helpful to thoroughly investigate options for important decisions, we reach a point when it becomes unproductive obsessing. Sometimes people will look back over a decision and berate themselves for making a mistake. This is being unkind to themselves because it is done in hindsight with the benefit of more time and information. We can make a right decision that does not lead to the outcome that we desired. In other words, we make the best decision we can at the time but cannot expect perfection.
I hope this gives you just a few ideas to chew on.