Children and Divorce?
Second Chances : Men, Women, and Children a Decade After Divorce by  Judith S. Wallerstein, Sandra Blakeslee (Contributor)
by David C. Mathis, Ed.D.
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judith S. Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, Sandra Blakeslee

During the 1980's in the United States, married couples were divorcing at a rate of nearly 50 percent.  This means that many children are having to confront the disruption that comes from their parents' divorce.  How are children affected by divorce?  In general, children from divorced families do not achieve as well in school, are less happy at home, and exhibit more disruptive behavior in the community than children from intact families.  During the first year following divorce, the negative impact is most apparent.  During that year many children will become more aggressive, uncooperative, whining, clinging and less affectionate.  However, there are differences for how children come through their parents' divorce.  The child's adjustment is affected by the following factors:

1.  Bitterness and hostility.  There is a substantial amount of research to support that the crucial factor in the adjustment of children to family, regardless of whether their parents are married, separated or divorced, is the amount of family turmoil, especially the amount and frequency of disputes witnessed by the child.  With the decision to divorce comes months of stressful legal, emotional and financial effects.  The legal process often further inflames hostility and bitterness.  When children are drawn into the disputes, they suffer.  The emotional strain will cause problems.

2.  The child's age.  There is not a "good" age for a child to live through a parent's divorce, but research has shown that some ages tend to be more negatively affected than others.  Divorce during important transition periods such as first grade or the beginning of adolescence can be particularly hard.  Younger children tend to be more disturbed by immediate changes from divorce and older children tend to feel the effects longer.  

3.  Changes in the child's life.  Children's lives will be changed, and most for the worse.  There will be less money to spend, less of their parents' time, relocations, school changes, and more household responsibilities.  Parents, who are often emotionally laden, may seem to change in how they deal with their children.  Mothers often become more strict, less consistent in discipline and less playful.  Fathers, especially if they do not have primary custody, become more indulgent.  Many fathers appear to take on a more "youthful" lifestyle.  All of these changes are stressful.

4.  Long-term involvement of both parents.  The best case scenario is when parents rise above the personal differences that led to the failure of the marriage and maintain a constant, stable relationship with their children.  Children would prefer to have their parents together but if divorce occurs they still need both parents.  In one study that followed children from divorce for several years, only a minority of noncustodial fathers continued to visit frequently and maintained a close relationship with their children.  The extent of continued relationship by both parents is a strong predictor of a child's well-being.  

Divorce is never easy on a child but parents, to a great degree, can help or hurt their child’s coping with the changes that it brings.