Autism: The Family  
by David C. Mathis, Ed.
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by Tony Attwood (Preface), Lorna Wing
All expectant parents are filled with hopes, dreams, and excitement.  The gradual realization that one’s child has autism can be overwhelming at first.  It is a gradual realization because of our natural tendency to hope for the best and to deny the worst.  Even health professionals are often reluctant to sound glib or to convey news that may sound hopeless to uninformed parents.  Autism is poorly understood and thus may sound like a terrible curse.  It may indeed leave parents feelings overwhelmed and hopeless.  However, it is essential to respond to not only the needs of the autistic child but also to the needs of the family of that child.

Become Informed.  You will need to be an advocate for your child and it takes information and understanding to be an effective advocate.  You will also need accurate information to aid in your daily life with your child.  There was a time when the majority of children with severe autism would eventually be institutionalized.  This is no longer true as professionals and families have learned how to assist such children.  Children with autism can be helped through early intervention, basic training in essential life skills and appropriate educational services.

Care for Yourself.  The unmet needs of parents and families of disabled children often form an U-shaped curve.  The demands are high among parents of preschoolers, the demands drop off as the children enter some type of school service but then the demands rise again when the children become young adults.  In other words, the demands on the parents and family of an autistic child can be long-standing.  It is necessary to maintain one’s self-care to be able to provide the care that the “child” will require across the life span.  Caring for oneself can take several avenues.  Make for time alone and away from the care-taking responsibilities.  Continue in areas of personal interest such as hobbies or sports.  Maintain your physical health through good lifestyle choices such as a healthy diet and exercise.

Seek Out Support.  Some people will not be supportive because they lack understanding of you and your special circumstances.  You must learn to trust yourself and your knowledge of your child and your family.  Do not allow yourself to feel guilty for not meeting the expectations of others.  Instead, spend time with those who understand rather than adding more expectations.  Don’t be so one-dimensional that you unload every time you are with someone who is supportive.  But -- it helps to unload sometimes.  An organized support group of other parents is a good way to both share your feelings while also providing similar support to others.

Have a Normal Life-at Times.  You, your spouse and your other children all need times to feel normal.  There are times to make other arrangements for your special needs child so you can ride the Hang-Man roller-coaster, if you would consider that “normal.”  The point is that there are times to let go and enjoy activities that you cannot usually participate in.  You also need to try to preserve as much of a normal life as possible for the other children.  Siblings of an autistic child will often carry greater responsibilities in a family, which is part of being a family.  But they also need to enjoy individual interests and activities without feeling guilty.  

Seeing Life from a New Perspective.  Children teach us so much about life and about us.  This is also true of children with autism.  What might seem as insignificant to others is such a victory for parents of special needs children.  Their unique reactions, phases, facial expression and the such are all part of loving them for who they are — special, unique people in our lives.