Unpleasant Tasks for Unpleasant Behaviors
by
David C. Mathis, Ed.D.
Can you image trying to build a house with a hammer as your only tool? As necessary as a hammer may be, other tools are essential to have a good result. Parenting also requires having more than one standard tool. Some parents may use verbal reprimands, or spanking, or ignoring or any number of disciplinary methods. I believe too many overuse one or two methods and thus miss many other helpful methods. These is an expression, "If you only have a hammer, everything looks like a nail." Parents need a variety of parenting tools rather than trying to use a hammer on every problem that arises.
One other tool to put into your parenting toolbox is: "Unpleasant tasks for unpleasant behavior." If your child acts in a disrespectful manner, for example, than in addition to a verbal correction, you can issue a task to be completed as a penalty. Some unpleasant tasks, i.e., penalties, include write-offs, extra cleaning chores, yard chores, 10 minutes of practicing the correct behavior, a written report on a related subject, etc.
So what does this procedure of unpleasant tasks for unpleasant behavior accomplish?
1. Parents have another way to provide discipline that they can feel good about. Discipline is a teaching process. You are letting your child understand that improper behavior brings consequences. This will teach self-control as they learn to manage their behavior and feelings rather than suffer the consequences.
2. Unpleasant tasks gives your child time to think about their unpleasant behavior. Rather than a punishment that is quickly administered and possibly quickly forgotten, the unpleasant task is a reminder about what was improper. It is not instantly over. Some children have learned that they can endure a spanking or a verbal reprimand without it really feeling like any consequence. A task requires something that must be done by them rather than too them. It takes time, time to think about why they are doing it.
3. The unpleasant task provides an opportunity to give praise. When their task is completed, it allows you the opportunity to praise their finished project. "The windows really look good." Thus although they are doing a task for misbehavior, they can feel good about doing something constructive.